clay.

the cool calcium salts,
the acids are aliphatic.
combine, intertwine
with petroleum jelly.
infused. underplayed.
a putty for your hands,
watch me take shape.
take your smooth fingers,
and trace all of me.
engulf me with your eyes.
fingers tap in time,
with gentle winds.
they touch, and bring me to life.
oh, you are my creator,
slice me, dice me,
mold me, fold me,
i am your clay deep at my pith.
yours to muse, to play around with.
pull me, prod me.
touch my body.
kiss me gently and see.
i am your clay,
and you are my maker.
rub my imperfections away.
and when you see it fit, stop all of it.
bring me to life, i will save you today.

sheep, ships, fires, hips.

the water drips.
the radar blips.
i see the trickles.
my mind plays tricks.
i run for home.
it all burned down.
memories turn to ash.
ask me why?
ask me why.
i'll tell it for the better.
what is there to do,
when there's such shitty weather.
sparks will fly up from the anvil,
as i hit the iron hammer.
they will burn me.
they will hit me.
they will singe me,
they will get me.
then the water drips.
let's go sink ships.
let's drink until we are not fit.
twist the wheel, and take a risk.
trickle trickle from the fist.
my infastructure turns to ash.
i am short on breath and cash.
where can we turn to?
the sheep are silent.
where can we turn to?
the people are violent.
here we will sit, we will cry, we will wait.
when the ship's going down the captain will relate.
here we go.
the house burned down.
here we go,
around, and around.
the ship is water-logged.
my mind is completely bogged.
let's go sink ships.
let's lock our lips.
grind til it hurts,
we'll work our hips.
break off the songs,
the silent reprise.
look at this face.
look at these eyes.
hear me when i speak to you.
here i sit, so well-to-do.
the sheep are plugged in,
ready for the night.
i watch them sleep.
i crawl for their light.
the house is gone.
the ship is sunk.
to hell with every thought,
that's ever been thunk.
we'll fuck and we'll fuck,
as the sky crashes down.
a blanket to hold us,
as we cling to this town.

bear claw

fax me a copy of your split-ended soul,
and i'll send you your lungs in a brown paper bag.
listen to me, and i'll sing you a song.
i won't sing any notes that are sour or dull,
they will all be sung, baby for you.
phone me up and we'll talk,
just for hours on end.
you can tell me when you think we're through.
i'll write you a poem on your split-ended soul,
and fax it right back to your eyes.
it'll be short and sweet,
and i'll write it so neat.
but none of it will come as a suprise.
i want you to know, that i've now come to terms.
you're addiction is what feeds the worms.
you had me, and lost me, but you've still got one thing.
that creeping dependency.
can you think of a way to throw it in my face?
i know that it must all be my fault.
it's so sad, i'm so mad.
fuck me, this is so bad.
you've gone now and made me be coy.
i'm not going to just a toy.
the earth cracked and crumbled,
the air tasted stale,
and i had no clue why i was crushed.
i had to press on, and i heard my head break.
out leaked a stale grey mush.
i am tasteless and sightless,
and this sweet deprivation,
is pulling me in just to see.
it's one of those things that i'll never quite get.
so look at who's killing me.
you're pulling my tendoins,
the sinew and bone grind beneat my skin.
sweet transcendental. i'm fucking going mental.
what's the use. i'm sorry. you win?

she is

She never really wanted to tell anyone how she felt. The truth was, she sort of enjoyed putting up a false front. In her own melancholy way, it was a game. She sat there all the while, waiting for people to confront her about her problems. No one ever did. They all treated her like she was normal. She wasn't normal. She never was normal. To her, normal was as nonexistent as god. She looked at her petty excuse of a life as a waste of time. She considered the days she was awake to be miserable. She could never find a consoling thought to get her through the day. She kept herself going with cocktails mixed of Valium, alcohol, Vikodin, and anything else she could use. She was a sucker for lithium, but she found it harder and harder to get. She never really wanted to tell anybody anything. She was a recluse. Her soul was folded over upon itself. I used to think about this girl every day, but she sort of started to trickle off my radar. I gradually let her slip from the cold gray folds of my brain until one day, she was nothing to me. She came back in a daydream, like the ripple on a pond's surface. the write-up in the paper was short. One of those glamorous shots that people have on file just in case they need a file photo was propped eerily above her story. She died yesterday. She went out with the trash. Her false front didn't save her. When she came crashing down, that porcelain front shattered like her scared soul. I remembered the time i called her a bitch. Was that the push it took to send her spiraling? It went from this, to that, to this, to that, over and over again. There's a memorial fund set up in her name. Maybe i'll send her a few dollars instead of buying myself a drink tonight. The truth of the matter is i need a drink after reading this. I need to drink en memoriam. I need to drink to her post mordem. I just needed to drink. She's gone, and i can't help but feel responsible. She never really wanted to tell anyone how she felt, and i never really thought about stopping to listen.

dsafgrh

her eyes were tempting pools of whiskey.
drunken and sour.
she never said a goddamned word,
she just let me drink from her eyes.
here's to her! let's raise our glasses.
she waltzed around on sheets of ice staying up all night.
that girl poured her eyes out, i'm sure she did.
i struck gold when i had found her.
the moon struck an invisible shimmer.
the pale light danced and danced,
her eyes were pools of whiskey.
her eyes rippled like i was skipping stones.
the gown she wore was black as coal.
her skin was an odd blank white.
the whiskey poured right from her eyes,
and i could not keep up.
drunken and sour, i called to her.
she came to me, and we lay there.
on a sheet of ice, under alabaster moon,
the stars flickered and faded into nothing.
i closed my eyes, and took my shot.
my throat burned, my eyes watered.
whiskey eyes, what a suprise!
she talked to me like lovers do.
the ice was cold, but she was warm.
a winter innebriation occured.
the only light left from the moon
simply carried my worries away.
when i awoke, i began to cry.
another shot of whiskey streaked from her eyes.
the last shot before the sun rose.
drunken and sour,
i knew i couldn't call to her.
she was already lighting up the moon.

leaves.

i punched a hole right into the wall and i waited, i waited for the damn thing to fall. the leaves swirled by as they often do when it's windy outside and i'm stuck missing you. the bricks that i broke sat cold on the ground and through them i heard resonating sound. i called them to life and made them my own, i picked up the bricks and i made me a home. i crawled right inside and refused just to speak. i sat there so naked and started to weep. how are you to know what exists behind these walls? i put them up and i'll try like hell to make sure they don't fall. so what's the use? so what's the use? broken fingers, and knuckles abused. caked in dried blood, i wait in the mud. the bricks have become my home. i live here for hours and hours on end, not a means of communication. no letters to send. this is my home, and here i will stay. there is just room for one, and it is here that i lay. i punched a hole right through myself, and the leaves came swirling in. they ripped through me and felt feeling i hadn't ever felt within.

to kill a mockingbird.

there's a lot of things that i wish i could say.
there's a lot to think about at the end of the day.
but no matter what you may have heard,
it's a sin to kill a mockingbird.

there's so much to love and so much to do,
and i don't know why i waste worries on you.
no matter what you may have heard,
it's a sin to kill a mockingbird.

someone please tuck me in and say the word,
i'm sorry. i killed the mockingbird.

the city's caving in.
it's falling on itself.
does anyone wanna roll?
does anybody want to rock?
the city's crumbling, falling,
and i simply do not care.
fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. fuck me.
fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. duck me.
duck me. duck me. suck me. suck me. fuck me. tuck me in. save me from dreaming...

a shitty poem that will never see the light of day.

i picked up the tabloid trash,
placed a dollar in a poor man's hat.
i gave sight to all the blind,
then found a place to go unwind.
i sat in the cellar, and watched the light trickle.
it moved down my face until i was covered in dark.
i whispered and cried, and was barely alive.
i waited there stifled for some primative spark.
all those hours and all those dollars
poured into this lost man's soul.
all those hours and all those dollars
spent wishing that these were the days of my lore.
i begged and i pleaded, and then i was beaten.
i lost all of my love and all of my lust.
i was just one more heathen barely left breathing.
but i tried to move on and get out of the dust.
i watched it all settle and then i was calm,
then the days of my lore came crash crashing down.
i struggled to beg you,
i fought back to break you,
then the thought had occured,
that babe, i can't make you.
with my head in the dark,
and the lights turned down low,
there was no mess to see,
and no one will know.

torn and reborn

i am an endless flirt, and for all the things i've done let me reitterate-
i am sorry.
i never thought that it would come to be me saying this again.
let's throw away where we have been.
learn from those past mistakes.
when i was with you looking at life on down the road, i felt like this was love.
when i am not with you looking back at what we had,
i realize how far in love i really was.
i couldn't bring myself to lose you.
we both had better things to do with the given situations.
we were like two ends of the hair splitting and comisserating.
i am sitting here, obsessing, depressing, readressing the issues.
reading over all the things you ever wrote me in your letters.
it seemed like love on loose-leaf paper.
it seemed like love in your eyes. where'd it taper off?
i've learned from where i've been but i don't know if you will see,
the only place i want to be is wherever you're with me.
let's replace our lives, and carry on.
i wasn't right, and you weren't wrong.
i just want to set things right...
i need you back in my lackluster life.
you say i gave your heart gentle wings,
feeble wings, but they were wings none the less.
is your heart flying now? did it go and fly away?
i think that i just need to know where we both will lay.
when the dust is splayed and settled, and the day draws to a close,
will i have someone who always knows?
you always knew when i was sad,
and then you'd always make me glad.
i'd count my blessings every night,
and even if we were in a fight,
i'd close my eyes at a quarter to,
and think about how much i love you.

FUCK

FUCK

mommy, i don't trust the government.

mommy used to do a lot of crazy things,
and mommy used to sing a lot of silly hymns.
she'd belt them from the top of the stairs to anyone who wished to hear.
wishing that someome would save her and take away her fear.
mommy used to see a lot of crazy folk,
and mommy used to watch a lot of crazies choke.
so where is mommy now? can she hear what i am saying?
where is mommy now, well i'm in the street just playing.

mommy's asleep. she's tucked in her bed.
there's plenty of valium inside of her head.
mommy's just taking a nap.
mommy will be coming back.
i can't see speckles in mommy's glass eyes.
who's going to hold me if my mommy dies?

blenders. fuck blenders.

in my kitchen, there's a blender.
i like blenders.
they blend, whip, swirl, slit.
maybe there is a blender for souls.
maybe there is a blender for hearts.
they've got dull blades, they've got sharp blades.
they've got blades, and blades galore.
so good at blending...
so good at destroying.
they destroy what is infalliable.
they destoy what they will.
i like blenders.
i really do.
beautiful shiny metal hunk of shit,
blend me until i am blended no more.
make me whole and cut me up.
stupid blenders, stupid fuck.
i am a whore for all that power.
stick my whole tounge through the blades.
no more speaking, no more breathing.
this shiny blender lemonade.

escalator.

a little girl steps on the escalator.
she's running late for a special date.
she slides like a streak of silver,
gone into the bustle.
the streets envelop her and she is gone.
the girl with her white blouse is moving on.
a little boy steps on the escalator.
he's running late for his first day at a new job.
he slides down the rail trying to clean up.
what's the use, he looks like a slob.
the escalator keeps on going.
steady, don't you worry.
down she goes, down she goes,
steady, don't you worry.
too many people fret or mull.
why are they so dull?
the escalator spits them out,
as spirits for the night.