the doctor who pulls down the shades

I've been beaten, been beating myself up for so long. I've been thinking about how the thrill of living has gone. Don't get me wrong, don't miss my meaning. I'm still sitting here breathing. Waiting on the winds of change, the change in my pockets is clanking like chains. There used to be something, someone, I know. Where did that something, someone go?
1-10-09 7:21pm

Welcome to my life full of pre-cancerous conditions. Lose your faith, your money, your mind, and your soul. Nothing here is what it seems. Take a glimpse into my dreams. You tried to kill me but instead I killed you. What's a slob like me to do? Contradiction is smothering me. When will it just let me be? While I sleep this planet burns, and I listen to my stomach churn. Pre-cancerous doesn't seem as bad when I dream of your face and the times that we had. Inside my eyelids like a tranqil passing phase, I see your weathered face deteriorating in the rain.
1-10-09 7:36pm

We hung skeletons in the trees. They danced serenely in the breeze. Their skulls were full of keys that could open portals in the sea. We let them dance then we sang them to sleep, forever to hold and for always to keep. Our feet danced along as we sang our songs. Beneath the tree where we hung the blanched pair, precious things were waiting there. They gave us gifts and we loaded our ships, and we sailed off on the breeze. We set our course as the skeletons danced us down through a portal in the sea.
1-13-09 6:03pm

In troubled times we often find that nothing is quite what it seems. Dreams we have and hopes we hold crumble, crack, and sometimes fold. People tell me try to fly straight, try to pay attention, try to do what you're told. Together maybe we'll make it through this cold.

Lisdexamfetamine
Yes father, they appear to be learning...
Should we kill them now or later?
1-19-09 10:3am

Give me your hands. I will hold you up, making sure that you don't fall into that gaping void you can barely avoid sunk into the bed we both made. We didn't do much sleeping and maybe that's why there's no escaping the portal to another time that we tucked beneath the sheets. Rest your tired mind atop my pillow, curl your body up nezt to mine. I will hold you dear, so tightly, and keep you from that one-way trip through time. We will never get any older and death will never take us alive. Give me your hands to hold and protect. In this bed we made, we can surely survive.
1-20-09 7:48pm

I've got a copper pot filled up with slush that can melt your brain down into mush. I'll force-feed it down your gaping throat. We all know that you're a lush. My copper pot is old and dented. It's inside is full of melted snow and ash. I'll let it creep like molasses down your throat. You'll turn blue, passed out on your ass.
1-22-09 7:01pm

I miss everything and I hate everyone. I guess most of all I hate who I've become. It's all dissolved away through my fingers. What's done is done. The way I used to feel has gone away with time. Hold on to nostalgia so tightly. Never let it go. If it trickles away from your sense of touch, you'll miss it more than you could ever know.
1-22-09 7:03pm

In a darkroom with white windows illuminating light there sat a man with calloused hands who was looking hungry for a fight. Hourst past his empty glass, he looked at me and said, "The world's coated with filth and lies, we'd all be better off dead," He was a strange man but still he spoke the truth. He told stories with his eyes. He sat in a darkroom with white windows with his body paralyzed. I took the scene, spliced it up, put it on a slide, played around with my microscpe knobs, and took a look inside. His heart was barely visible even magnified under my eyes. This poor lonely man was an organic sham. He seemed a lot like me.
1-24-09 6:34pm

When I go from on the drugs to off the drugs you just say, "My, how you've changed," It's like I've told you all along. Please, just pretend that there's nothing wrong. I've never been the man that you're meeting today. I'll never be the boy you fell in love with again. Every day that I'm bent around these drugs like rebar bent around concrete marks another day and another mistake. I guess this is just the life that I live.
1-24-09 6:47pm

everything seems so fucking bright out there amongst the snow. the vibrance seems overwhelming to me with hyperreal colors raining down from peaceful skies. all i want is to step away from the walls and go to a place where i know it all. how long have i been wavering? could you tell me how long i've been dead? those hyperreal colors can't be real. there's no way in hell. i'm convinced that my mind has lost its grounding. the sweet ribbon that tethered me to this earth slipped away. eternity has captured me in these electrifying shades. it's bright out there with all that snow. everything that was dull has faded away.
1-25-09 1:24pm

a great-white mushroom cloud came to a stand-off with a man in heaven. as i stood below and watched them meet, i was unsure of who would win. bombs dropped during the arrid desert night and i braced myself for breakneck times. the great-white mushroom cloud tried to advanced, but the man said he didn't have the right. so that great-white washout turned around, and slowly began his way back down. he sprinkled down all over me, and i burned to death that nuclear winter.
1-25-09 1:35pm

it seems that heaven's just a cute distraction that can keep us in this hell. the devil, on a spiritual level, has infiltrated our minds and corrupted us. he has convinced us that this is where we belong, and he alone has placed heaven so far out of our reach. with every passing flock of people, we dig ourselves farther down. temptations bleed us dry, and sooty clouds have gathered overhead. the sun's now just a forgotten myth. we burn, pillage, and live
1-25-09 1:49pm