opaque hunger

clover lane and sargent street


i was walking down the street
what a shitty way to spend the day.
the walkways all were hustled
by thieving traitors and thieves.
i whispered to the hoaxers.
so here's to you, i'm sick of living the lie.
take me down and smile so high.
i've seen pretty clear, and the walls jumped to life.
such a shitty way to spend the day.
i never used to feel alive unless i was being used and abused.
took the torture, took the pills, took the hits, watched the spills.
so here's to yo you, i'm sick of living the lie.
let's put down these hands so capable of mass deciet.
here's to you, this day is perfect.
one fabricated sunset short of a given day.
everything's a farce. a hoax.
the weather is perfect, the sidewalk is cracked.
who really cares when it's all a lie.
such a shame, it really is that they are deceptive in all their ways.
here's to you. here's to smiling.
here's to you. here's to smiling.
cut loose these curling echoes, they'll find a way around.
what a way to spend the day. what else can i say?
a perfect stranger's all i am.
a perfect stranger's what i'll be.
a dying girl saw me come up, her eyes closing.
she said to smile. she said to lie.
pretend for her so she could die.
i smiled to her, and she kept still.
smile at me, i know i'm going to die.
i couldn't help but frown when i saw her eyes draw to a close.
deceptor, it was all a lie.
who really cares? it's just another one.
another casualty to the cause. here's to you.
you were the fallen, forgotten, used and abused.
such a deceptor, your life a lie.
i walked about the sidewalks.
they were cracked and out of focus.

september 20, 2007

around six in the mornin' i'll have eyes like a grey raccoon.
i should be sleepin' an pecacefully dreamin'. six will be here soon.
got an ache in my stomach that won't leave me alone.
guess that i'm going to sleep when i get home.
i'll pour me a drink, i'm thinkin' whiskey sour.
drink and drink for about an hour.
when the doorbell rings and the party starts,
i'ma turn on the music and blow up their hearts.

x

i stared up at the stars last night and all that could go wrong seemed to go right. i crawled in my bed and i bumped my head, but it didn't even matter to me.
i set myself free from shackles and chains. the thoughts in my head no longer remain.
took a step back, and fell to my knees. you should have seen what happened to the trees. they fell and they snapped, and they never looked back. their branches laid in wait, and through the rotting remains the moon shone so bright and the stars spelled out names. somebody's eyes were shutting quite slowly as they often do under blankets of stars. i whispered to you, but you couldn't hear me. i guess that i couldn't carry that far. the moon was a pool of the tears that i cried, and the trees slowly faded but hey babe i tried.

lemons

we will place the yellow lemons in the bowl upon the table. with a warm and jagged knife, we will cut them bit by bit. these are our memories. these are our everything. lemons, i love you. lemons, lemons, lemons. all our juicy bits are left in here to rot. as we bite into the juciest bits, our chins run wet with anticipation. lemons. lemons. lemons.

thought therapy

my face is being torn from my skull. i can't begin to explain how it feels. i've lied about being able to eat and sleep. i've slept all in all about three or four hours in the last week, and i've eaten so much as to lose six or seven pounds. i got a haircut because i thought changing how i looked would help how i feel. i've been staring at everything like it's a way out of this slump. i've been alone a lot. the time when i'm alone is what hurts the most. i just want to talk to someone, and be with someone, and love someone. i just want to feel the acceptance that i used to be so accustomed to. my skin is sticking to my bones, and it hurts. it hurts so bad. my eyes are burning from the smoke in the room, and from crying. i just want someone who can take my pain away. it hurts. i don't know who to talk to. i don't even care. everything just seems so twisted lately. i just want to crawl inside a hole and when i come out again, i want it to be just like it was before. i love her. i'm in love with her, and i just want her to love me like she used to. it hurts to be apart. i can't begin to tell you how much it hurts. it's like you'd imagine the pain associated with dying. the only sad part is that i live with it, and it hurts. i just want to hold her in my arms and have her be mine, and i just want to sit there and let her know that i'm all hers. it hurts, and i just want the only thing i know can make it right again. her. i love her.

shattered years

tonight, baby, was the dark night of the soul. i howled at the moon, but it wouldn't make me full. you should have seen me on the grass under the treee atop the hill. growing, morphing changing, feeling nothing girl, but still i just pressed on. i am so sorry. i didn't know it'd be like this. i am a monster left to starve myself so that others may live in bliss. it's not my fault? it's not my place. how'd i let it get so bad. why'd i make you get so sad. did i say i was sorry? i tried to say it so many times, but i blurred all of the lines. my heart, there is no substitute. to say i never loved you was a lie. i did. i'm sorry. i know not why we couldn't work it out, but let's not dwell on that. let's dwell on what could have been. let's look at what can blossom. you can go your way, and i can go mine. let's swing on the tethers, let's skin the umbilical vine. now i will fly into the deepest stretch of space where no one will ever see.

coded dreams and sailing dreams

i am the ship that sails through the night. i know no channels where i have not been. let me take a pill, another thrill. the salty ocean soon may spill. the river delta, where i found shelter has been washed away with time. a cryptic game upon the sea, a coded dream inside of me. another galiant wannabe washed away with time. i'll fade away given time as i pop this pill and spill my spine. i'll put up mast and go so fast. inside my brain, the synapses blast. the waters wash and cleanse my feet. i walk across and barely speak. a god-like man, a jesus-freak. i know i am right. i am the ship that sails through the night.

a girl, a boy, the woods

through her ill-tempered eyes she watched the scene play out. waiting for someone to come and save her. the trees in the distance fell dormant and out of focus. they whispered sounds of waiting. they screamed out sounds of scare. she closed her eyes for a moment waiting to find the focus clear. walking through the snow, she couldn't tell up from down. the screaming trees didn't save her. if anything, they made it worse. and through her still crystal eyes the movement was trapped. the trees fell out of focus, and the screaming still was trapped. she rubbed her eyes. her throat full of sticky blood. her journey to the trees was not for naught. she reached me, she touched me, and she healed me. she saw that my pain was more or less a lot like hers. and as her eyes closed, my soul opened and my heart soared. but then i thought to myself, who is going to save this girl?

rotten herb skunk

goodbye, rotten blood, you failed to give me the torch. train of arms with empty faces raising limbs to strike you down. do you best to expose this derission. poems, everybody's written. feet left in the lines march on to grinders waiting for their filthy lives. wrong brick colored educators eat their kids and leave. fat sweet ribbons rush upon your dancing fire. dance, fire, dance! rotten stench of skunk in mouth. love the smell! i see wicked ribbons flushing out the wicked ooze. your fire, your ribbons, your skunk in flames. the dames come rushing into the alleys full of sticky saliva treats. wicked how they roll their bowls in unison across the floor. smoke poureth forth like anaconda ribbons. push rotten herb skunk.

'57 chevy custom black on black

A place just for us, where silver fish fly, is waiting for us in the dusk. where moons lend glimmers of silver rivers rushing closer and closer to death. here in this place, we will all lay in wait. rattle your chains til all they hear is you. try to rediscover the impossible dream. the dark master's afoot but there are pads upon his feet. take heed! he is walking here. this is our kingdom, and he is our guest. silent feet pad his tread to silver waters where we drink. do you think it's a little strange? the beast- he waits in trees. is he awake? are you alive?

coda

the broken bones
the shattered souls
we sail away
to find our homes
no one knows if we will win
a spiral of unconciousness
a drunken fit a final slit
does anyone know
does anyone even care

cycloptic corpse

the decaying corpse is rotting fast
finding bliss in ignorance
just one eye for all to see
dialated, let her be
the dirt, the worms, the drug-driven maggots
eating at her like flesh-hungry faggots
dialation, cruxified by all who see
her rotting eye
needle marks and tire tracks
broken hearted spinal taps
prove me wrong, grab a gun
cycloptic extasy, rot, you're done
there's a blackout now and i can't see
these whiteout conditions make gray inside me
now i can't see and i can't breathe
a tingling see of aquamarine
the time ticks down and soom we see
no one's coming for you, or me

mdma

you can buy a way to die
for $25 per pill
your heart will just stop working
and some tears are sure to spill

but if it's any consolation
i won't stop to go
"i told you so."

let us peel away the layers
and find where i went wrong
there's a million things i want to say
but i can't if you're really gone

you just wanted to live
to spite me in every way
but i will see you up there in the heavens
slit wrists is a free little way

i won't have to worry about destruction on mdma
i will close my eyes, look to the skies, and pray it'll be okay